So a few weeks ago we were moved into a different ward in our neighborhood. The new bishop wanted to meet with all of the new families. Kyle and I had to go separately because it was during nap time, I like to go more with Kyle because he does so much better when in social settings. So after he returned I went to meet with the bishop. He asked the usual questions and just wanted to get to know us. He then said "So what are your hobbies and interests?" I literally had nothing pass through my head. Not a usual occurrence I thought. The best I could come up with was blogging and whatever my kids were doing.
I got home and I told Kyle about it, I told him I could think of nothing. I didn't really have any hobbies or interests. He just laughed it off and tried to help me name a few. I could not and still have not been able to stop thinking about it. I remember years ago before my life was what it is, being interested in so many different things. Now my life is consumed with getting to pre school on time, keeping the kids from fighting, figuring out a healthy meal and lots and lots of laundry. I feel a little like I have lost myself as a mom. Don't get me wrong, I adore and love being a mom with every ounce of me. It is was I live for and the reason I get up and going for the day. But I feel like I have lost myself a little.
I have been trying to think of hobbies. True, I do love to blog and it has turned into my journal. But I still don't know that it is a hobby. I enjoy cooking, but as you read before I am not very adventurous and so I think that deflates my cooking hobby. I read, but not that often. I make cards and crafts, but not that often. I feel like all of my friends have a good hobby or are making something to sell. (All such cute stuff too!)
So I have come to the conclusion that my hobbies and interests are my family. I love to do stuff with my kids. Kyle says that one reason they are always sick is because I am constantly going somewhere with them. We don't stay home a lot, because I love to go do as many fun things as I can. I love being a wife. I am sure Kyle would say that has not been very true lately, as this has been a little bit of a rough go with this pregnancy. It's hard being pregnant while still trying to take care of 2 very active children. And being sick, and being SUPER hormonal. But I love to try and do things for Kyle, and things that make him happy.
I do think being a wife, mother and homemaker is something I could improve upon greatly. I could be a much better wife in many different aspects, I'm working on all of it babe-I promise. I could be a much better mother- I loose my patience so much faster than I use to and sometimes I use the TV as a way to escape for just a little while. I could be a better homemaker. I believe the most amazing homemaker is my sister. She is amazing! She cooks all the time, every time I go to her house it smell so good. She is either making freezer meals or making yummy homemade treats. She sews and makes amazing projects and is always working on something cute and creative. She is just good at being a mom, one thing I admire is that she has the most amazing traditions. I feel like I am always stealing her good ideas. I aspire to be more like her.
So I'm sorry for this randomness, it has just been on my mind for the past few weeks. (I guess it is the bishops job to make us have soul crushing thoughts right...)As baby number three is on it's way and I am sure life is only going to get more crazy... I strive to find more things I am good at, and more hobbies!
10 comments:
I LOVED your post! It is so true that you can easily lose yourself when you become a wife and mom. I have to agree with you though. What's wrong with having your kids and husband be your hobbies and interests? I can't think of anything better!!
Your feelings are very normal for this time in your life. There's nothing wrong with having your family be the focus of what you do. Let me suggest two "hobbies" that will help you be a better wife and mother--prayer and scripture study. I know your life is so busy and filled right now, but those two things will help you not to lose yourself. (You aren't surprised that I would say this, are you?) Just "a few thoughts" of my own. You are a great wife, a great mother and a great daughter. I love you! Love, Mom
Your kids are so lucky that they are your hobby (and your life!). I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I wonder how my life evolved to this point - where I can't even remember what I used to enjoy doing.
I try to do things every now and then that stays done. Most things we do as moms don't stay done (laundry, meals, toliets, etc.). It reminds me of my hobbies and interests when I can look at something I did a few weeks ago and it still looks the same!
Hang in there! You have such great talents and your interests are still there, just buried under motherhood!
Val, you are such an amazing mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend (i feel so lucky to be your sister and friend)- don't be so hard on yourself! I am constantly admiring everything that you do and what a wonderful person you are. As I was reading your post I could think of so many hobbies that you have - crafty (I think about all of the many cute things you make for every holiday), decorator (you make your house and home a place where your family and friends love to be - not everyone can do that, it is such a gift and talent), reading (can I say Pants Books, Harry Potter, Twilight, etc.), cooking (this is a hobby for you! - you are constantly trying new recipes and bringing good new things to all of our family functions)! Val, I think that you are an amazing person with so many wonderful talents, hobbies and skills! Your family is so lucky that all of your hobbies and skills make there lives so much better, that is what makes you such a wonderful wife and mother!
I too love your post. After reading it, it makes me think of what hobbies i have....and none come to mind except for blogging and being a mom. YOu are a great mom and friend. I am always telling James what fun things you come up with and that you cook fun things. And all the fun classes i take my kids to, i heard through you. Anyways loved your post.
Wow, Valerie, I think you and I are on the same page right now! I agree with every word you said as if I had written them myself. I had a similar experience recently when the RS presidency came over to visit and asked me the same question, and I had the exact same answer as you did. I remember I used to like doing stuff for myself, but those days seem so long ago! My life is completely and totally consumed with being a mom, and like you, I love it and I'm grateful for it, but sometimes I do wonder if I'm still in there somewhere! You are a WONDERFUL mother Val! I look up to you the same way you look up to your sister! You are always doing so many fun things with your kids. The other day after the RS pres. left and I told Ryan about it he said that the fact that our kids are happy and healthy is proof of how much I do all day. Sometimes being a mom can be a thankless job, but it is still the most important! Thanks for this post, I am glad to hear that I'm not alone!! <3
Ditto Valerie. I know how you feel and I only have 1 child. I don't think there is anything wrong with your kids being you hobby. I always look at all the fun stuff you put on your blog that you do with your kids. I keep thinking I need to remember that when Jake gets old enough to do. And now that he is a little older I am always stealing ideas from you. So keep the fun stuff coming so I can copy!
its so crazy cause we all feel the same way. Matt teases me that i would have no friends if it werent for him. I feel we get so wrapped up in our families and husbands, its hard keeping track of them and keeping them happy. That is a hobby all by itself.
You are amazing! I have always admired what a good mom you are. So patient and understanding and would do anything for your family. You have the best ideas, HELLO HAPPY GRANDPARENTS DAY (I read that post and thought OH man, why cant i do fun things like that!!)!! Thanks for including us in some of your daily adventures, I am glad we are friends!
Since you mentioned journals, it reminded me of something a family in the ward told me. When the kids are young, they get a journal for each child, and when the kid does something memorable, they write it in their journal. For example, "Today was your first soccer game..", "Today you went to your first sleepover..", "You make me laugh today by doing.." Give it a try. Maybe keeping a journal on paper can be a new hobby to start.
I had a blog like this a couple weeks ago...I think my hobbies were trying to be a good neighbor, mother and wife. That's about all right now as we are in the same boat and I am doing everything I can to hold my HORMONES together with this pregnancy. And we all use tv as a crutch every once in a while, some days more than others...I hate how we as mom's try to vilify tv and are ashamed of it...all kids watch it, all kids LOVE it, all mom's love it because it gives them a quick break and these days there are a lot of good kid's programs on esp. PBS...so DO NOT feel guilty about tv! Yep, I think all of us moms have this reality check and it's healthy but there's not TONS to change when your first priority is being a mom...I liked the lady's comments about our hobbies being prayer and scripture study...it makes the day GOOD or BAD...and my patience level is adjusted according to if these are done...thanks for the great post! ;)
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