Thoughts on McKay

Even just looking at this picture I get a little choked up inside. I have known for a while that there would be ups and downs with McKay's. Flat times and Mountains to climb. I feel like we are currently trying to climb a mountain right now and it is hard and it is emotionally trying. We had a large amount of doctor's appointments in September which are always very emotionally exhausting. We also have been starting the process for McKay to transition out of his early intervention program. When he turns three he has to leave early intervention and he has to receive his services from the school district. To say that I am uneasy about all of it would be an understatement. I am terrified for McKay to transition. We have been with our early intervention program Kids on the Move since McKay came home from the hospital. We have been a few different therapists during that time, but some have been with us since the beginning and I am scared to loose them. Luckily for us McKay was approved to have his services through the school district in the home during his hibernation months. I hopeful that by the summer he will be able to enter the school setting. But that brings on a whole other load of emotions as he will be going into the school for preschool and to receive his services (therapy). It is new and different and I don't do well with change.
McKay will also be starting a very intensive Physical Therapy program this week. When i mean intense I mean intense. 4 hours a day for 5 days a week for 3 weeks straight. Yes that face you are making right now is the same face EVERYONE makes when I tell them about it. We heard about the program from our physical therapist and thought it would be a wonderful thing for McKay. But we have talked to a few parents who have done it and have found just how intense and how hard it really is.
In the last two weeks I have broken down to both of my sisters, in Carson and Brynnley's room while making Brynnley's bed, and to Kyle.
There are just so many decisons with McKay that I never had to make or deal with with Carson and Brynnley. And they are very very hard decisions. I hate making decisions anyways so these come extra hard for me. It's the shear volume of the decisons (therapy, out patient therapy, classes, doctors, what wheelchair stroller to buy, what walker to buy, calling the insurance every other day, getting sedated for MRI's and so many more.) I just constantly worry that I am making the right decisions for him.
I know this is not something that will go away anytime soon at all. It seems like it comes in waves. Things are nice and calm and then we get hit with a rough couple of months.